‘Here’s the Pitch’ is a post inspired by a twitter conversation between Viv from serendipityreviews.co.uk and Andrew Hall from pewterwolf
Viv wrote this tweet:
Andrew wrote this reply:
Then I thought this:
And then my brain wouldn’t leave me alone until I’d written this down…
Title: Bunheads of the Dead
The hook: Zombies do ballet (what’s not to like?!)
The pitch: The war against the undead has been dragged out for far too long. People have tired of it. Most of the population are at war, the remainder (those too feeble to pick up a weapon) are left to run the country. Electricity is on its way out. Supermarkets are gone. And luxuries of the soul, like entertainment, are all but a distant memory. Worldwide morale is at an all time low. Until… Bernard Hopwell MP (Basingstoke) comes up with a jolly splendid idea!
“If we can’t beat them, we can certainly utilise some of their slower and more feeble ones in our factories, power stations entertainment industry.”
Bring on the Shufflers. ‘The Shufflers’ are what is left of the first generation of the zombie uprising. Unlike the newly evolved ‘Sprinter’ breed, the shufflers are now considered to be, in Bernard Hopwell’s words, ‘relatively harmless, (if managed from a distance and fitted with the appropriate muzzles and leashes).’
With TV and radio once again up and running, Zombies are soon the stars of every show. But before long the nation begins to tire of crass fodder like ‘The Z-Factor’, ‘Zombie Wipeout’, and ‘The Weakest Limb’ and a yearning for culture becomes an insatiable thirst – a thirst that only two people can quench…
Margot Hetfield and Dorothy Bainbridge, formerly of the Women’s Institute, have never produced a ballet before. Nor have they ever had creative control over three dozen zombies. So, when they are entrusted with the task of helming a full scale production of Swan Lake With Zombies they are faced with somewhat of a challenge. Nonetheless, they give it everything they’ve got (with varying degrees of success).
Most quotable line: Margot (picking fallen limbs from the stage) – “It’s useless, Dorothy! Useless! That was our third prima ballerina I’ve shot in the head this month!”
Anyone wishing to pay me large quantities of money to develop this idea… is an idiot.
A few other posts you might find interesting:
@tomclempson are you kidding Tom! I’d totally read that! @serendipity_viv @pewterwolf13
@sisterspooky I second that! @tomclempson @serendipity_viv
@sisterspooky @tomclempson @serendipity_viv “It’s useless, Dorothy! That was our third prima ballerina I’ve shot in the head this month!”
@tomclempson @Serendipity_Viv @PewterWolf13 Do it Tom! I think we all need some zombie ballerinas in our lives
@cupcakes4clara @tomclempson @serendipity_viv I can see it on FX, myself. It has HIT all over it!
Ha! Thanks, but you missed the ‘S’ at the beginning of HIT! @serendipity_viv @cupcakes4clara
@tomclempson This is so crazy it’s actually brilliant! Pleeeeeease write a short… #canpaybutonlywithbaking
Am I the only sane person?!
Apart from you, of course.
Don’t. Just… no.
Because my friends do ballet and now every time I see them, I’m going to imagine them being zombies.
It’s dancing lawyers all over again! It’s like a bunch of lawyers forming a dance group and the only thing I can see is a bunch of barristers dancing around in their wigs and dressed in tutus, clutching their files, dancing to Swanlake and a judge leaping across, his robes flying.
I read it, obviously. But it was so funny.
So yeah, basically, I have enough craziness in my life; I do NOT need Zombie Ballerinas, thank you very much.
Rose, your comment is the only one that made me want to write Zomballerinas! Well done. Thanks!
That’s a shame! I thought it sounded quite good!
You do make me laugh!