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Last Week’s Tweets

  • A poem I wrote ten years ago. One of the best things I've ever done. (Enjoy at its best by reading it very… #
  • Last night I dreamt that I pooped in my pants. #
  • It's raining in Hobbiton today #
  • I'm quite surprised by how so many people are obsessed with gaining Twitter followers.
    (please RT. PLEASE!!! I nearly have 511!) #
  • Just been to see my Dr. He's good. I like good Drs, they're good. Not too keen in bad Drs though. In my experience they're generally bad. #
  • Note to woman in front. When your parking sensor goes BEEEEEEEEP!!!!!! It means "you're too close" not "stop here & block him in" #
  • I am now going to tape my phone to said lady's face, just to be sure that she got my last tweet… #
  • Dear Tom Clempson,
    I am tweeting you from your own phone (it's taped to my face).
    Lots of love,
    Lady who blocked you in. #
  • "Booking essential… Booking fee applies" I bet there's a non-negotiable entrance tax & compulsory 6% viewing fee too #
  • Oh. Dear. Poo. Twitter is telling me that I no longer follow ANYONE!!!! How do I fix this???!!! Stupid Twitter! #
  • May be a false alarm. It's also telling me I have no followers and no tweets. So, if that's true, I'm just writing this to myself… #
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