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Last Week’s Tweets

  • I am attempting to write in the library instead of the coffee shop (it's cheaper and there's less caffeine involved. Smells a bit though!) #
  • I finally left the library and gave in to the lure of the coffee shop (and got the whole place to myself!) #
  • #writing Road rage, Hugh Laurie, pranks, crazy children, + my next book

    On the blog today. #

  • It looked like a leaf
    But it wasn't a leaf
    It was dog poo
    (I'm seriously considering sticking with this poetry thing) #
  • I feel sorry for him.
    Not the guy in the wig, but the 1970's footballer that he must have scalped to get it. #
  • Look @cupcakes4clara you could win your own birthday present for next year! #
  • I just picked a half-eaten rusk up off the floor and ate it. I'm not sure what that says about me. #
  • That last tweet reminds me of a conv. I had w @cupcakes4clara about the difference between FB & Twitter
    FB= "Look at me!"
    T= "I just farted" #
  • I think they ship-in attractive ladies to walk past the coffee shop window whilst I'm trying to work #ThingsIveSaidThatUpsetMyWife #
  • I just burnt your dinner #ThingsIveSaidThatUpsetMyWife (prediction for when she comes downstairs) #
  • At coffee shop. In a rush. BIG queue. 2 women in front reach Cashier: "What would u like?"
    Women: "Oh! We don't know!"
    My head: BOOOOM! #
  • So anyway, today loads of uglies keep walking past the coffee shop window whilst I'm trying to work
    (Does this make up for yesterday's one?) #
  • So anyway, today these 2 demented women keep harassing me on Twitter whilst I'm trying to work! #
  • How to make rainy days more fun: Pretend that aliens have landed and they all have heads like umbrellas (then look out of window). #
  • The cabbages are chasing me!
    They won't leave me alone
    Their putrid stench is haunting me!
    Or maybe it's just… #
  • Dear @cupcakes4clara PLEEEASE let me sleep in when you wake up! Child is insane. It's 5.15am. 2hrs sleep. There is now a toy pony in my ear. #
  • Congratulations @totalfilm This has to be one of the ugliest magazine covers ever! #
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