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Last Week’s Tweets

  • Bee Movie – officially too implausible for my 2y.o. “bees don’t drive busses, or wear shoes, or talk, stand up…” Boring sensible child! #
  • The weather seems to be confusing my children (woke up to requests for The Grinch and The Snowman stories)! #
  • Was writing 1000 words per hour on Monday. Why can’t EVERY hour be as productive?! #
  • You know how the pressure of placing a coffee order can seem a bit daunting? Well… Has anyone else ever accidentally ordered a Foccacino? #
  • Wearing new shoes. Look great. Smell like old people. #
  • Do you think Paris Hilton’s ratdog ever poos in her handbag? #
  • Just had to jump a 3ft puddle that was leaking from a porterloo! Action man status remains in tact (smelled like new shoes!) #
  • If I didn’t have quite so much fat on me I reckon I’d be kinda thin! #
  • Only 9 away from 300 followers! One of my next 9 followers will win a free tweet containing 3 words rhyming with Moo Mar Mawesome! #ohthefun #
  • ‘I love the smell of duck in the morning’ #replacewordinfamousquotewithduck #
  • “Stand by your man, give him two ducks to cling to” #replacewordinfamousquotewithduck #
  • “Nobody f***ing move! Or I’m gonna duck every motherf***ing last one of you!” #replacewordinfamousquotewithduck #
  • 7 away from 300! Only 59yrs 8mnths left to follow/enter my mind-blowing competition (1 free whole tweet could be yours to keep!) #ohthefun #
  • “I did not have sexual relations with that duck” #replaceawordinafamousquotewithduck #
  • “E = MCduck” #replaceawordinafamousquotewithduck #
  • “Nobody. Talks. About duck club!” #replaceawordinafamousquotewithduck #
  • And the winner of my amazing prestigious tweet is… @ginarinelli !!! Here goes… Poo Par Pawesome! #
  • If you want a proper good laugh I HIGHLY recommend @Neeky78‘s blog!
    Very funny indeed! #
  • “Say hello to my little duck!” #replaceawordinafamousquotewithduck #
  • Have just witnessed an old guy who appears to suffer from tourettes of the middle finger! (I think that sweet old lady needs a hug now) #
  • “I think we’re going to need a bigger duck” #replaceawordinafamousquotewithduck #
  • Hardly any sleep, big rush out the house, so treated myself to 1 of my fav NY breakfasts – granola, yog & fruit… Then ate it in car park. #
  • I think I love you #
  • Is it just me or did that dog smell like treacle and look like Sylvester Stallone in drag? #twitter realitycrisis #
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