When I’m writing stuff I always feel it’s best to get the right balance of ‘Ooh‘s and ‘Me too‘s. ‘Ooh’ s are the parts where the reader feels that they are learning new things about certain types of people (eg. in One Seriously Messed-Up Week a girl might read it and go ‘are some guys really that hung-up about going for a wee?’). Me too’s are kind of self explanatory, in that they are the bits that you read about a character and you respond with a ‘Me too!’ (eg. in One Seriously Messed-Up Week, a guy might read the bits about Jack going for a wee and go ‘me too!’).
The trick in including these oohs and me too!s though, is to know that these are actually universal issues and not just quirks that are unique only to myself. This is where I ask for your help…
Every now and then I will write one of these ‘Is It Just Me…?’ posts, where I will pose an observation, and I would really appreciate any feedback you’d be willing to share (do you experience the same thing? Is this completely alien to you? Am I a complete freak?). Not only would you be helping me with my research, but you might even end up inspiring a charcter in a future book (assuming they let me write any more after this one).
But be warned. Some of these subjects may require you to expose your inner arsehole (I’m talking about character flaws here. Seriously, I don’t want to receive any personal photos!).
Is It Just Me…
Or does anyone else find they get uncharacteristically angry when in a rush?
I know that people definitely get angry when in a rush and getting slowed down by others (you only have to take one look at your nearest main road at rush hour to witness the rage), but is this uncharacteristic anger, or are these people fairly angry anyway? I consider myself to be an extrememly laid back kind of guy. I don’t let many things get me down or get under my skin, I keep my cool in a crisis, I am nearly always the peacekeeper in any dispute, and I’m generally a calm and pleasant individual. Unless I’m in a rush…
If you met me when I was in a serious mad rush, you would meet my Mr Hyde, my Incredible Hulk, my wife when she’s pregnant (scarier than the other two put together!). That oh so common pair of plodding old fat ladies that take up the entire pavement with their pull-along-trolleys and overloaded shopping bags don’t know how close they are to being shoved into the road. That guy that steps off the escalator, then pauses at the top to decide where to go next, causing everyone to pile-up behind him, is that close to going back down again. The fast way. And the cashier at the checkout who won’t stop chatting to the customer in front is SO close to having me tut loudly then move my shopping to another till! (This is actually as aggresive as I’m ever likely to get, but believe me, inside I am rehearsing the most cutting of insults!).
So… is it just me?
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It’s definitely not just you! My worst flaw is getting extremely cross with my son when I’m rushing, even if it’s my fault we’re running late *hangs head in shame*. It’s usually worst when I’m trying to leave the house and keep forgetting stuff, am rushing round the house like an idiot, then he’ll step in my way accidentally and I’ll end up shouting at him. I’m really just cross with myself for not being more organised, but I take it out on him. I’m sure there’s a proper psychology-type word for this, is it transference? I may have made that up. But rushing + crossness = pretty normal in my world.
Thank you Cat! Yes, unjustified cruelty to children definitely has to be a universal flaw. Transference sounds right to me! I suppose it doesn’t help that, when you start rushing, you start doing things wrong (like walking into small children or shoving things hastily back into a cupboard, only to have them fall back out onto your head), which only feeds the anger. Poor kids. And cupboards.
I’m not sure I get angry when I’m in a rush, but what I have noticed, when doing enterprise-like ventures at school on collapsed curiculum days is that when I’m the team leader (which I often am…xD) is that the entire section of my brain that deals with empathy and sympathy just shuts down…and I become pretty ruthless.
Which is normally what is needed in an all boys school, it must be said.
For example, if I give someone a job to do, I expect them to do it, and if they dont for a bad reason, they get a bolocking. XD
Although I do try to be nice with those who don’t understand that 1) I’m in my project mood and that means death to anyone that distracts me or 2) they get easily upset…
Ooh, that’s a good one (brave too)! Anyone else turn semi-nazi when put in a position of authority? When I used to work on Postman Pat I was put in charge of a small group of people and I did exactly the same! ‘Why aren’t you doing what I told you to do?!’ I had to work really hard not to become the kind of person I hate! Thanks Rhys.
I have grown exceptionally good at disguising how displeased I am with many sort of people in many different situations, so, even though I am rushing and I am nervy and I am many other things, I still act as if those two bastard children screaming in the queue were the most delightful little darlings and maybe I should stop and smell the Starbucks with them.
What I find particularly annoying are drivers who slow right, right, right, right down to turn into a leafy side street. Now, I am not here to promote Silverstone-like racing in the heart of Cheshire, but there is no need to move from third gear to first and from 30 MPH to 5 in order to turn into a side road, not unless there’s an obstacle in the road (and if there were… you’d have to stop and nobody would have a problem with that, I am sure!).
I only learnt to drive a couple of years ago, so even when I drive angry I’m still very well behaved. Even so, when other people drive bad around me, I have a very rapid outburst of rage, I hit the horn (something I never thought I would do) and seconds later I’m calm again.
Slowing right down in front is a real ball-ache. Especially when they’ve just overtaken you to do it!
Thanks Steph (maybe I’ll see you out on the Cheshire roads some time? I’ll be the one singing along to the Charlie and Lola CD, with intermitent mini-outbursts of profanities).
Not just you! I can be a terrible person when I’m in a hurry. I do my best to always be ready for everything in advance, not because I’m natually organized, but so I can avoid rushing as much as possible.
Haha! Brilliant! So you have found a way to cheat rage via punctuality? I like it! This is all really good stuff. Thank you!
I’m won’t necessarily go into full-on rage mode when I’m in a rush, but I do get annoyed. When Hubs tells me we have 10 minutes to be somewhere (when he should have told me an hour ago), I get annoyed because I don’t like to be rushed. I like to take my time. But he knows now to give me fair warning because I still won’t rush because I don’t like the anxiety that rushing tends to bring.
Also, just so you know (and this probably isn’t relevant to your story), when women are rushing/running and they’re carrying a purse over their shoulder and it SLIPS DOWN TO THE ELBOW? Beware the rage. Just…beware. The whole purse-falling-down-the-arm is the equivalency of a grenade being thrown. (at least for me!)
No, that’s good! Thank you! Come to think of it, female rushing seems to appear a whole lot more stressful than male rushing altogether – high heels, boucy chest, and sometimes three or four kids in tow… Are there any more secret rage triggers for people that I might not know about?